The good, the bad, and the ugly....and why I came back!

The good, the bad, and the ugly….and why I came back!

So my trip to the states was absolutely perfect and amazing….I gained probably 10lbs to prove it too incase you didn’t believe me! Haha and I’m not even mad about it, every bite of American food was worth every ounce!! So I got to meet up with a lot of friends, old coworkers, clients, family and everyone in between and a lot of you had similar questions and I don’t think I ever really gave many of you an answer; I was so caught up in talking to everyone about what was going on in the US that I really just brushed over all these questions very quickly to end the convo and get another drink. So I am writing this blog to answer some of those questions and tell everyone why I returned to Nepal and am not ready to quit yet!

11)   So was it worth it/was it what you expected, are you happy with your decision to do the Peace Corps?

To be honest before coming to Nepal I really hadn’t had a lot of expectations about Peace Corps. After meeting all of the other volunteers in my group (Nepal group 200) I learned a lot of volunteers have wanted to do this for years, some over a decade and some had been applying and waiting for 3+ years to get an assignment. Honestly one day I decided I was done with the same old boring life I was living and I wanted something more; something that would allow me to travel, build a resume, and give back to the world since I really have had a fortunate upbringing. I mean I didn’t struggle to get a 4-year degree, I have never really been unemployed (not always glamorous jobs but I always found something to hold me over until I found something better), and I am perfectly healthy. Peace Corps sounded like a great opportunity: they fly you there and home, they give you a readjustment allowance after you finish your service to settle back into American life, and they provide enough stipend to live off during the entire 27 months. They also provide the language training and the skills you need for the job that you are going to be doing. This was great because I have thought about quitting and moving to a foreign country and working at a scuba diving shop for a year but as for a resume builder that wouldn’t help me professionally and odds are I would get super restless, island life isn’t for me (I need to constantly be getting somewhere and challenging myself).

So back to the question am I happy/is it worth it/is it what I expected. To be honest I thought I would have a “job” I thought I would be needed, I thought people would know why I came to their village. When I got to my permanent sight no one, not even my family knew really what Peace Corps was or why I was even there. They thought I was supposed to be an agriculture specialist and know everything about agriculture. Pretty sure my host mom thought she got a ‘broken’ volunteer for the first month or so haha. They don’t understand I am not here to just do agriculture work, I’m here to help them figure out stuff they can do to better their lives and link them to resources they have available to them.  I read the book Keeping Kennedy’s Promise and according to the book we are suppose to have jobs, I am not crazy for being upset that I don’t have a job. We are suppose to be coming in with work ready for us to be doing, during the interview process we are to be selected based on our skills we already possess and matched to a work site. Well that did not happen and honestly it doesn’t seem to happen much in Peace Corps at all.

It is unfortunate I don’t have a job but this also has brought out challenges I would probably have never faced in life in the States. Trying to figure out projects to do for the next 2 years when I barely speak the language! Holy hell talk about a challenge! But so far I have been able to get stuff achieved (Ex. I have made over 25 improved cook stoves for families and because of that I have helped prevent respiratory disease and other illness related to smoke inhalation for those families) and I do have people who take me seriously and want to know what I know. Not everyone believes me and quite possibly they will think my whole time here has been a joke but that doesn’t matter, it’s the people who do learn something from me that matter. I can’t focus all on the bad, I have to focus on the positive impact I am making on those who are interested; hey you can’t win it all!

It’s not what I expected but I think I am making the best of what I have been given. I’m part of the second group to reenter Nepal after an 8 year suspension so every year hopefully the program will just keep on improving for the next groups to come.

22)   What do you like most about Nepal and what do you like the least?

Honestly what I like most about Nepal is the travel. Anyone who knows me knows that would be my answer no matter where I would have been placed. This is one of the most beautiful countries I have ever seen in my life. The Himalayans, the rivers, the hills, the rice paddies, the jungle, and the wild life it’s all so amazing! It’s a tourist country so we can still go to the tourist spots and blend in and do adventure things such as safaris, rafting, canyoning, paragliding, and there are endless treks throughout this country!

The people are actually very friendly and helpful but being from America where everyone is so independent and keeps to himself or herself this is actually overwhelming most of the time. Everyone wants to talk to you and be around you and really you end up with no space. So this is a good and a bad thing. On the one hand if you need anything someone is always there to try to help you but it’s suffocating at the same time.

I hate that most people think I am stupid. I hate that when I tell them some factual stuff such as, feces gives you typhoid or you should have fruit with Vitamin C when you are sick to get healthy, they think I am crazy and just dumb. It bothers me that they love ‘America’ because its such a developed country but yet they don’t value the knowledge I have to offer. And being told every single day ‘Take me to America with you’ or ‘Take my kids to America with you” is exhausting. The matter of the fact is any Nepali person who would go to America would hate it. They hate working, fixed time, and they are scared of being alone. Last time I checked Americans work too much, they constantly are on deadlines, and we love being alone. We don’t take time to talk to strangers or help strangers out. Making friends is a lot more difficult in American than in most other countries. We are in our own world and generally we only worry about ourselves.

33)   So do you think you have changed at all?

That’s a tough question at this point. I think I have become more blunt and vulgar if you can believe that! Haha. I definitely have a greater appreciation for the USA, I have my countdown for the day this experience ends and I know as soon as it ends I will miss it but will get right back into the pace of American life and this experience will seem like a very long time ago so I need to just remember to stop and appreciate where I am at right now.

I also will be more patient with foreigners in the USA. I do understand why they want to get a visa and live there. The American lifestyle is appealing: to have job opportunities and ‘developed’ lifestyle is something that isn’t achievable in some of these places. In these poor countries people are very limited in what education they can receive and what opportunities they have. I can’t blame them when they see American movies and they want that lifestyle. But when I get back and see foreigners struggling with the language and looking confused I will probably be more patient with them and reach out because I know what its like to be in that place. I am thankful everyday that Nepali people have the patients for my slow talking and poor pronunciation because often when person from the States is talking to someone foreign and they have a strong accent/slow to speak we get our panties all up in a bunch and many people even say ‘If you want to come to this country learn our language!’. I don’t want to be that person again when I get back because it’s not easy being the odd foreigner and the sad thing is even though they have a hard time and struggle it probably doesn’t even compare to the struggles they faced in their home country.

I feel I have more direction about what I want to do with my life in the long term. I know I don’t want an office job and I know I want to have a specific set of skills to do specific work. I won’t be sharing that with all you yet because I have a long ways to go before I have to worry about that and I still may change my mind post Peace Corps.

There is still a lot of time for me to change and odds are my friends and family will notice these changes before I do after I return.

My tolerance for crap complaints has decreased significantly. I f**king hate hearing about ‘first world problems.’ Not all but some of the petty crap drives me crazy. Don’t worry I let people know when you crossed my line of tolerance for complaining. Haha.

44)   How have you made a difference so far to the people in Nepal?

Yes I think so. Drastic difference maybe not but I’m only 8 months in at my permanent site. I think I have made people realize focusing on working, making money, and bettering yourself isn’t such a horrible thing. This especially goes for girl and women, so many don’t see the point in getting an education or getting their girls a good education because they are just going to grow up to do household chores in their husbands parents house. So telling the young girls about opportunities you can have by studying, going to school, and pursuing college I think does have an affect on some. Many people are shocked when they find out my age and that I am not married nor have kids but when I point out why I want to wait for a good job, steady income, and then will consider getting married they are more understanding. Then I explain that I may very well never get married they are still in shock when I tell them that. And its followed by “how will you have kids if you don’t get married” and of course I have to say “I don’t like kids” haha they love that answer….yea not so much but it makes me laugh.

So like I said with making over 25 smokeless cook stoves. That ended up being over 100 people being affected because of the family size and because of that small change they significantly decreased their chances of get respiratory related illnesses. So that is something.

Also I have taught some people how to preserve more nutrients in their vegetables but cooking and preserving foods differently than the traditional way. Every little bit helps.

Like I said its still the beginning!

Oh and the fact that I am never embarrassed and dress differently than everyone else and am confident about it I think has opened peoples minds about not fearing things different/change. This is a very ridged culture and everyone looks and dresses the same and if you are different everyone is quick to criticize you. But I have discovered if you are confident in your choices, explain how being different isn’t bad (as long as you are not culturally offensive) then there is no reason to be embarrassed and I think it really does empower people (women mostly). And I am trying to get people to stop fearing ghosts so much….thats a work in progress though. And getting them to stop relying on their families for money their entire lives! Independence is a beautiful thing…..still a work in progress. My host mom is all on board with that though!

55)   What have you been doing?

A day in the life:

6am Tea and roti (flat bread)

7am Morning jog or workout

8am Dig or plant in the garden

9am Laundry

10-10:30 pace in my room fearing the time I get my name called

10:30 Eat rice and lentils and veggies

11:00 Go to health post, ag office, cooperative, or talk to people/make bricks or a stove

2pm Die of heat and try to nap in a pool of sweat

4pm Do some things around the house, could be watering garden, making compost, planting, digging, harvesting

5pm Cut veggies or mix the dough for the evening’s roti

6pm Shower

7pm Eat

8pm Stress free me time!

So honestly that is typical slow day. One day I made 3 cook stoves. Sometimes I go to meetings. There is a neighbor who works for a women’s empowerment NGO and I will go chat with her and sometimes come with her to her meetings/work. I will go to mothers groups meetings and just talk about basic nutrition stuff. I will sometimes go to the school and help out in the English class or I will help the English teacher after school with his lessons and correcting papers/his English write ups. There are usually meetings that I get sucked into. Some days I really just sit in a shop and chat with people and there have even been days that I haven’t left my house. I do a lot of gardening with I really enjoy.

For the last 4 months making cook stoves had taken up most of my time. Either making a stove or bricks would consume my days. Typically it would keep me busy 7am-noon or 1 and then again 4pm-7pm. Middle of the day has been brutally hot.

66)   How’s the food?

Lets just say I will never being eating rice or potatoes ever again. I think I might cut turmeric out of my diet for a year post Nepal life as well…its not bad but so sick of curried vegetables. Also I really miss pieces of meat that are actually meat…not just skin, fat, bone, intestines, mystery pieces, and if you are lucky you get a little bit of actual meat which you savor greatly. Oh and goat, goat is such a waste of time. They constantly need grass and when you butcher them there really is no meat on them, so much work for such little food. I’m going to say I actually hate the food. All carbs and over cooked vegetables.

So everyday is:

6am: milk tea with lots of sugar (I kinda like it) and a piece of roti (flat bread-flour water and cooked in a pan over the fire) with some achar (pickeled mango, radish, or a tomato type paste-my favorite).

11am: Rice, lentils, curried vegetables.

3pm: snack of tea and chow mien typically. Depending on the season could be lychee, mangos, bananas, or apples (that rare).

7pm: roti (flat bread), curried vegetables. (once a week meat if I am lucky).

77)   How is your host family/omg why are still living there!!!??

Ok so the host family situation is not what I would have liked for my Peace Corps experience but its what I was given. Honestly I could have the best host family in the world and I still probably wouldn’t like it. So based on that info you can guess the host family causes me a lot of my stress. I can’t blame my family for wanting me to take on all the household chores, I mean Peace Corps staff tells them to treat us like a daughter or son and because of that they are going to treat us that way. In Nepal if you are a girl you do all the household chores until you get married and then you get the privilege to move into your husbands parents house and do all their household chores, yay right? (And they wonder why I don’t want to get married in this country.) So it has been a long challenge of creating boundaries to make it clear I am here to help the community not just be a household slave. There have been days that I want to just curse everyone out and call it quits and then other days I am in acceptance mode and let everyone take advantage of me and I do everything I am told. It’s a constant battle but in no way is my host family mean to me. They really love me a lot and they understand me better than any other Nepali person could. They know my habits, what makes me happy, how much I am willing to eat, and what parts of the animal not to feed me, haha it’s important. They know I suck at indoor chores (cooking) but I am very useful with manual labor outside which is totally ok with me because I do get enjoyment out of doing that sort of work. I have discovered I really enjoy gardening! So my family is intense, loud, and in my face a lot of time but they still love me and I can tolerate them and they do make me laugh most days. They also think I am pretty funny too even with my limited language I can crack a few jokes.

So why everyone thinks it’s not worth it is the surface reasons of:

What I miss most is things being easy. Here if I want to travel 17 miles its going to take me over an hour to do so and that’s not even including the time it takes to buy a bus ticket and wait for the bus. When I want to do laundry it takes about an hour just to wash what would be equivalent to a small load in America. I can’t get up and get a snack if I am hungry in the middle of the night. I have to always be conscious of when we have electricity so I can keep my electronics (phone and laptop) charged for the chance that the electricity goes out for more than 2 days time which can happen. Not having running water after a day of working in the garden or building a cook stove out of cow poop and mud is super frustrating. But even with all these little things that sound horrible these are the things that are easy to over come. This is the simple stuff.

The true reasons that make this hard:

Being belittled and you can’t defend yourself because you language is so limited. Getting constantly criticized for your weight, skin complexion, how you where your hair, not wearing jewelry, not wearing make-up, having freckles, and having scars/scabs. Not having control of when you eat or wake up is one of the hardest things for me to accept. Not being able to go anywhere without people asking where you are going, being stared at or people running up to you trying to get you on a bus to Kathmandu is beyond frustrating. People mad that you don’t want to drink their tea or eat their food. Constantly being badgered by people for you to spend the night at their house; which would most likely entail 2 others and me sharing a room. I miss blending in and having freedom and control. Also abiding by Peace Corps rules makes me feel like I am in high school again. If I spend the night at someone elses house I have to contact Peace Corps staff even if it is just at my aunts house across the street. I have a limitation of how many days a month that I am out site even on weekends when offices are closed. The limited vacation time kills me!  Anyone who knew me while working at the airport I have a really hard time staying planted for too long, constantly had trips planned to look forward to.

8)What is next!! How will I kill the next 16 months?

Up and coming! So 2 other volunteers who live close by and I are planning start a weekly farmers market. We are going to combine 5 VDCs (basically counties but on a much smaller scale) and we will hold the farmers market in my VDC of Ramghat because we have the building and toilets already in place from 5 years ago I guess an outside INGO tried to do the same but failed because it wasn’t managed within the village it was run. So, the terrain in this country is very different. Up the hill they grow lots of oranges, at my VDC we grow lychee and mangos, Ben’s VDC has lots of bananas, Krysla’s VDC has lots of vegetables and is known for seed production. So Even though we are very close in distance most VDCs have something different to offer. With that being said a farmers market would be a huge benefit to consumers and producers. Right now if someone wants a kilo of mushrooms they have to walk say 3 miles to the one farmer who produces them. So you get the point, there is not an everyday market/shop for vegetables in any of the VDCs and because of that people just sell out of their houses. But not everyone knows who has what so its not really benefitting as many people as it should. Therefore this farmers market could benefit everyone and it fits the ‘Food Security’ framework of Peace Corps Nepal perfectly: increases income, increases food access, nutrition (access to diverse foods), and would be very sustainable after we left if we get it managed by the right people before our time is up. Also for the mothers groups they could do things such as make soap, incense, or other handicrafts and sell them for income! There are lots of options opening up if we can get this going.

Also I am going to try to work on people starting growing moringa olifera trees ‘the tree of life.’  Its basically like a super food. Its got over 90 vitamins and minerals, it even has protein. You can eat the pods, seeds, leaves, and flowers. It’s nitrogen fixating. It grows super fast. It is also called the miracle tree, it really could be the next big thing. It if very popular in Africa and India and many developing countries use it to fight malnutrition. So not only would it benefit the people of Nepal for fighting malnutrition but eventually if this becomes popular in developed countries (yea I’m thinking fad like acai berry, turmeric’s new medicinal value, ect). Nepal will have a step up in the market and hopefully be able to export and profit off of it. 

Leaving on a funny: how showering in Nepal is similar to diving with sharks at night.

Taking a shower in Nepal at my cooperative (I don’t have a shower at my house but the cooperative is right next door-easy/normal?) is a lot like night diving with sharks. First you willingly go in there knowing all the dangers that exist in that space but you still do it anyways. Second it is super dark except the light from my headlamp. Third no matter what way you face/stand you constantly are wondering what’s going on above, below, and around you. Let me elaborate. I have a fear of a snake coming up the piping from the drain (totally could happen). Above me are snails and centipedes that could drop at any second. All around me there are cobwebs and spiders on the walls. Facing the shower head I can’t get the back of my head wet (the shower head has very little pressure so you have to get real close to the wall to get wet) but when I face away from the shower head all I do is picture spiders jumping onto my hair if I get my head too close to the wall. Fourth I know no matter what happens or goes wrong I cannot just dash out of the shower because someone surely is outside and would see me naked (that would be talked about for 60 years after I leave rather than being talked about for 30 years after I leave) which is similar to diving in that no matter what goes wrong you cannot shoot to the surface as you would surely pop a lung or get the bends. But you will all be happy to hear I still shower daily and it really gets my adrenaline up for the next time I go scuba diving!