The good, the bad, and the ugly….and why I came back!
So my trip to the states was absolutely perfect and
amazing….I gained probably 10lbs to prove it too incase you didn’t believe me!
Haha and I’m not even mad about it, every bite of American food was worth every
ounce!! So I got to meet up with a lot of friends, old coworkers, clients,
family and everyone in between and a lot of you had similar questions and I
don’t think I ever really gave many of you an answer; I was so caught up in
talking to everyone about what was going on in the US that I really just
brushed over all these questions very quickly to end the convo and get another
drink. So I am writing this blog to answer some of those questions and tell
everyone why I returned to Nepal and am not ready to quit yet!
11)
So
was it worth it/was it what you expected, are you happy with your decision to
do the Peace Corps?
To be honest before coming to Nepal I
really hadn’t had a lot of expectations about Peace Corps. After meeting all of
the other volunteers in my group (Nepal group 200) I learned a lot of
volunteers have wanted to do this for years, some over a decade and some had
been applying and waiting for 3+ years to get an assignment. Honestly one day I
decided I was done with the same old boring life I was living and I wanted
something more; something that would allow me to travel, build a resume, and
give back to the world since I really have had a fortunate upbringing. I mean I
didn’t struggle to get a 4-year degree, I have never really been unemployed
(not always glamorous jobs but I always found something to hold me over until I
found something better), and I am perfectly healthy. Peace Corps sounded like a
great opportunity: they fly you there and home, they give you a readjustment
allowance after you finish your service to settle back into American life, and
they provide enough stipend to live off during the entire 27 months. They also provide
the language training and the skills you need for the job that you are going to
be doing. This was great because I have thought about quitting and moving to a foreign
country and working at a scuba diving shop for a year but as for a resume
builder that wouldn’t help me professionally and odds are I would get super
restless, island life isn’t for me (I need to constantly be getting somewhere
and challenging myself).
So back to the question am I happy/is it
worth it/is it what I expected. To be honest I thought I would have a “job” I
thought I would be needed, I thought people would know why I came to their
village. When I got to my permanent sight no one, not even my family knew
really what Peace Corps was or why I was even there. They thought I was
supposed to be an agriculture specialist and know everything about agriculture.
Pretty sure my host mom thought she got a ‘broken’ volunteer for the first
month or so haha. They don’t understand I am not here to just do agriculture
work, I’m here to help them figure out stuff they can do to better their lives
and link them to resources they have available to them. I read the book Keeping Kennedy’s Promise and
according to the book we are suppose to have jobs, I am not crazy for being
upset that I don’t have a job. We are suppose to be coming in with work ready
for us to be doing, during the interview process we are to be selected based on
our skills we already possess and matched to a work site. Well that did not
happen and honestly it doesn’t seem to happen much in Peace Corps at all.
It is unfortunate I don’t have a job but
this also has brought out challenges I would probably have never faced in life
in the States. Trying to figure out projects to do for the next 2 years when I barely
speak the language! Holy hell talk about a challenge! But so far I have been
able to get stuff achieved (Ex. I have made over 25 improved cook stoves for
families and because of that I have helped prevent respiratory disease and
other illness related to smoke inhalation for those families) and I do have
people who take me seriously and want to know what I know. Not everyone
believes me and quite possibly they will think my whole time here has been a
joke but that doesn’t matter, it’s the people who do learn something from me
that matter. I can’t focus all on the bad, I have to focus on the positive
impact I am making on those who are interested; hey you can’t win it all!
It’s not what I expected but I think I am
making the best of what I have been given. I’m part of the second group to
reenter Nepal after an 8 year suspension so every year hopefully the program
will just keep on improving for the next groups to come.
22)
What
do you like most about Nepal and what do you like the least?
Honestly what I like most about Nepal is
the travel. Anyone who knows me knows that would be my answer no matter where I
would have been placed. This is one of the most beautiful countries I have ever
seen in my life. The Himalayans, the rivers, the hills, the rice paddies, the
jungle, and the wild life it’s all so amazing! It’s a tourist country so we can
still go to the tourist spots and blend in and do adventure things such as
safaris, rafting, canyoning, paragliding, and there are endless treks
throughout this country!
The people are actually very friendly and
helpful but being from America where everyone is so independent and keeps to himself
or herself this is actually overwhelming most of the time. Everyone wants to
talk to you and be around you and really you end up with no space. So this is a
good and a bad thing. On the one hand if you need anything someone is always
there to try to help you but it’s suffocating at the same time.
I hate that most people think I am stupid. I
hate that when I tell them some factual stuff such as, feces gives you typhoid
or you should have fruit with Vitamin C when you are sick to get healthy, they
think I am crazy and just dumb. It bothers me that they love ‘America’ because
its such a developed country but yet they don’t value the knowledge I have to
offer. And being told every single day ‘Take me to America with you’ or ‘Take
my kids to America with you” is exhausting. The matter of the fact is any
Nepali person who would go to America would hate it. They hate working, fixed
time, and they are scared of being alone. Last time I checked Americans work
too much, they constantly are on deadlines, and we love being alone. We don’t
take time to talk to strangers or help strangers out. Making friends is a lot
more difficult in American than in most other countries. We are in our own
world and generally we only worry about ourselves.
33)
So do
you think you have changed at all?
That’s a tough question at this point. I
think I have become more blunt and vulgar if you can believe that! Haha. I
definitely have a greater appreciation for the USA, I have my countdown for the
day this experience ends and I know as soon as it ends I will miss it but will
get right back into the pace of American life and this experience will seem
like a very long time ago so I need to just remember to stop and appreciate
where I am at right now.
I also will be more patient with foreigners
in the USA. I do understand why they want to get a visa and live there. The
American lifestyle is appealing: to have job opportunities and ‘developed’
lifestyle is something that isn’t achievable in some of these places. In these
poor countries people are very limited in what education they can receive and
what opportunities they have. I can’t blame them when they see American movies
and they want that lifestyle. But when I get back and see foreigners struggling
with the language and looking confused I will probably be more patient with
them and reach out because I know what its like to be in that place. I am
thankful everyday that Nepali people have the patients for my slow talking and
poor pronunciation because often when person from the States is talking to
someone foreign and they have a strong accent/slow to speak we get our panties
all up in a bunch and many people even say ‘If you want to come to this country
learn our language!’. I don’t want to be that person again when I get back
because it’s not easy being the odd foreigner and the sad thing is even though
they have a hard time and struggle it probably doesn’t even compare to the
struggles they faced in their home country.
I feel I have more direction about what I
want to do with my life in the long term. I know I don’t want an office job and
I know I want to have a specific set of skills to do specific work. I won’t be
sharing that with all you yet because I have a long ways to go before I have to
worry about that and I still may change my mind post Peace Corps.
There is still a lot of time for me to
change and odds are my friends and family will notice these changes before I do
after I return.
My tolerance for crap complaints has
decreased significantly. I f**king hate hearing about ‘first world problems.’
Not all but some of the petty crap drives me crazy. Don’t worry I let people
know when you crossed my line of tolerance for complaining. Haha.
44)
How
have you made a difference so far to the people in Nepal?
Yes I think so. Drastic difference maybe
not but I’m only 8 months in at my permanent site. I think I have made people
realize focusing on working, making money, and bettering yourself isn’t such a
horrible thing. This especially goes for girl and women, so many don’t see the
point in getting an education or getting their girls a good education because
they are just going to grow up to do household chores in their husbands parents
house. So telling the young girls about opportunities you can have by studying,
going to school, and pursuing college I think does have an affect on some. Many
people are shocked when they find out my age and that I am not married nor have
kids but when I point out why I want to wait for a good job, steady income, and
then will consider getting married they are more understanding. Then I explain
that I may very well never get married they are still in shock when I tell them
that. And its followed by “how will you have kids if you don’t get married” and
of course I have to say “I don’t like kids” haha they love that answer….yea not
so much but it makes me laugh.
So like I said with making over 25
smokeless cook stoves. That ended up being over 100 people being affected
because of the family size and because of that small change they significantly
decreased their chances of get respiratory related illnesses. So that is
something.
Also I have taught some people how to
preserve more nutrients in their vegetables but cooking and preserving foods
differently than the traditional way. Every little bit helps.
Like I said its still the beginning!
Oh and the fact that I am never embarrassed
and dress differently than everyone else and am confident about it I think has
opened peoples minds about not fearing things different/change. This is a very
ridged culture and everyone looks and dresses the same and if you are different
everyone is quick to criticize you. But I have discovered if you are confident
in your choices, explain how being different isn’t bad (as long as you are not culturally
offensive) then there is no reason to be embarrassed and I think it really does
empower people (women mostly). And I am trying to get people to stop fearing
ghosts so much….thats a work in progress though. And getting them to stop
relying on their families for money their entire lives! Independence is a
beautiful thing…..still a work in progress. My host mom is all on board with
that though!
55)
What
have you been doing?
A day in the life:
6am Tea and roti (flat bread)
7am Morning jog or workout
8am Dig or plant in the garden
9am Laundry
10-10:30 pace in my room fearing the
time I get my name called
10:30 Eat rice and lentils and
veggies
11:00 Go to health post, ag office,
cooperative, or talk to people/make bricks or a stove
2pm Die of heat and try to nap in a
pool of sweat
4pm Do some things around the house,
could be watering garden, making compost, planting, digging, harvesting
5pm Cut veggies or mix the dough for
the evening’s roti
6pm Shower
7pm Eat
8pm Stress free me time!
So honestly that is typical slow day. One
day I made 3 cook stoves. Sometimes I go to meetings. There is a neighbor who
works for a women’s empowerment NGO and I will go chat with her and sometimes
come with her to her meetings/work. I will go to mothers groups meetings and
just talk about basic nutrition stuff. I will sometimes go to the school and
help out in the English class or I will help the English teacher after school
with his lessons and correcting papers/his English write ups. There are usually
meetings that I get sucked into. Some days I really just sit in a shop and chat
with people and there have even been days that I haven’t left my house. I do a
lot of gardening with I really enjoy.
For the last 4 months making cook stoves
had taken up most of my time. Either making a stove or bricks would consume my
days. Typically it would keep me busy 7am-noon or 1 and then again 4pm-7pm.
Middle of the day has been brutally hot.
66)
How’s
the food?
Lets just say I will never being eating
rice or potatoes ever again. I think I might cut turmeric out of my diet for a
year post Nepal life as well…its not bad but so sick of curried vegetables.
Also I really miss pieces of meat that are actually meat…not just skin, fat,
bone, intestines, mystery pieces, and if you are lucky you get a little bit of
actual meat which you savor greatly. Oh and goat, goat is such a waste of time.
They constantly need grass and when you butcher them there really is no meat on
them, so much work for such little food. I’m going to say I actually hate the
food. All carbs and over cooked vegetables.
So everyday is:
6am: milk tea with lots of sugar (I
kinda like it) and a piece of roti (flat bread-flour water and cooked in a pan
over the fire) with some achar (pickeled mango, radish, or a tomato type
paste-my favorite).
11am: Rice, lentils, curried
vegetables.
3pm: snack of tea and chow mien
typically. Depending on the season could be lychee, mangos, bananas, or apples
(that rare).
7pm: roti (flat bread), curried
vegetables. (once a week meat if I am lucky).
77)
How
is your host family/omg why are still living there!!!??
Ok so the host family situation is not what I
would have liked for my Peace Corps experience but its what I was given.
Honestly I could have the best host family in the world and I still probably
wouldn’t like it. So based on that info you can guess the host family causes me
a lot of my stress. I can’t blame my family for wanting me to take on all the
household chores, I mean Peace Corps staff tells them to treat us like a
daughter or son and because of that they are going to treat us that way. In
Nepal if you are a girl you do all the household chores until you get married
and then you get the privilege to move into your husbands parents house and do
all their household chores, yay right? (And they wonder why I don’t want to get
married in this country.) So it has been a long challenge of creating
boundaries to make it clear I am here to help the community not just be a
household slave. There have been days that I want to just curse everyone out
and call it quits and then other days I am in acceptance mode and let everyone
take advantage of me and I do everything I am told. It’s a constant battle but
in no way is my host family mean to me. They really love me a lot and they
understand me better than any other Nepali person could. They know my habits,
what makes me happy, how much I am willing to eat, and what parts of the animal
not to feed me, haha it’s important. They know I suck at indoor chores
(cooking) but I am very useful with manual labor outside which is totally ok with
me because I do get enjoyment out of doing that sort of work. I have discovered
I really enjoy gardening! So my family is intense, loud, and in my face a lot
of time but they still love me and I can tolerate them and they do make me
laugh most days. They also think I am pretty funny too even with my limited
language I can crack a few jokes.
So why everyone
thinks it’s not worth it is the surface reasons of:
What I miss most is things being easy. Here if I want to
travel 17 miles its going to take me over an hour to do so and that’s not even
including the time it takes to buy a bus ticket and wait for the bus. When I
want to do laundry it takes about an hour just to wash what would be equivalent
to a small load in America. I can’t get up and get a snack if I am hungry in
the middle of the night. I have to always be conscious of when we have
electricity so I can keep my electronics (phone and laptop) charged for the
chance that the electricity goes out for more than 2 days time which can
happen. Not having running water after a day of working in the garden or
building a cook stove out of cow poop and mud is super frustrating. But even
with all these little things that sound horrible these are the things that are
easy to over come. This is the simple stuff.
The true reasons that
make this hard:
Being belittled and you can’t defend yourself because you
language is so limited. Getting constantly criticized for your weight, skin
complexion, how you where your hair, not wearing jewelry, not wearing make-up,
having freckles, and having scars/scabs. Not having control of when you eat or
wake up is one of the hardest things for me to accept. Not being able to go
anywhere without people asking where you are going, being stared at or people
running up to you trying to get you on a bus to Kathmandu is beyond
frustrating. People mad that you don’t want to drink their tea or eat their
food. Constantly being badgered by people for you to spend the night at their
house; which would most likely entail 2 others and me sharing a room. I miss
blending in and having freedom and control. Also abiding by Peace Corps rules
makes me feel like I am in high school again. If I spend the night at someone
elses house I have to contact Peace Corps staff even if it is just at my aunts
house across the street. I have a limitation of how many days a month that I am
out site even on weekends when offices are closed. The limited vacation time
kills me! Anyone who knew me while
working at the airport I have a really hard time staying planted for too long,
constantly had trips planned to look forward to.
8)What is next!! How will I kill the next 16 months?
Up and coming! So 2 other volunteers who live close by and I
are planning start a weekly farmers market. We are going to combine 5 VDCs
(basically counties but on a much smaller scale) and we will hold the farmers
market in my VDC of Ramghat because we have the building and toilets already in
place from 5 years ago I guess an outside INGO tried to do the same but failed
because it wasn’t managed within the village it was run. So, the terrain in
this country is very different. Up the hill they grow lots of oranges, at my
VDC we grow lychee and mangos, Ben’s VDC has lots of bananas, Krysla’s VDC has
lots of vegetables and is known for seed production. So Even though we are very
close in distance most VDCs have something different to offer. With that being
said a farmers market would be a huge benefit to consumers and producers. Right
now if someone wants a kilo of mushrooms they have to walk say 3 miles to the
one farmer who produces them. So you get the point, there is not an everyday
market/shop for vegetables in any of the VDCs and because of that people just
sell out of their houses. But not everyone knows who has what so its not really
benefitting as many people as it should. Therefore this farmers market could
benefit everyone and it fits the ‘Food Security’ framework of Peace Corps Nepal
perfectly: increases income, increases food access, nutrition (access to
diverse foods), and would be very sustainable after we left if we get it
managed by the right people before our time is up. Also for the mothers groups
they could do things such as make soap, incense, or other handicrafts and sell
them for income! There are lots of options opening up if we can get this going.
Also I am going to try to work on people starting growing
moringa olifera trees ‘the tree of life.’
Its basically like a super food. Its got over 90 vitamins and minerals,
it even has protein. You can eat the pods, seeds, leaves, and flowers. It’s
nitrogen fixating. It grows super fast. It is also called the miracle tree, it
really could be the next big thing. It if very popular in Africa and India and
many developing countries use it to fight malnutrition. So not only would it
benefit the people of Nepal for fighting malnutrition but eventually if this
becomes popular in developed countries (yea I’m thinking fad like acai berry, turmeric’s
new medicinal value, ect). Nepal will have a step up in the market and
hopefully be able to export and profit off of it.
Leaving on a funny: how showering in Nepal is similar
to diving with sharks at night.
Taking a shower in Nepal at my cooperative (I don’t have a
shower at my house but the cooperative is right next door-easy/normal?) is a
lot like night diving with sharks. First you willingly go in there knowing all
the dangers that exist in that space but you still do it anyways. Second it is
super dark except the light from my headlamp. Third no matter what way you
face/stand you constantly are wondering what’s going on above, below, and
around you. Let me elaborate. I have a fear of a snake coming up the piping
from the drain (totally could happen). Above me are snails and centipedes that
could drop at any second. All around me there are cobwebs and spiders on the
walls. Facing the shower head I can’t get the back of my head wet (the shower
head has very little pressure so you have to get real close to the wall to get
wet) but when I face away from the shower head all I do is picture spiders jumping
onto my hair if I get my head too close to the wall. Fourth I know no matter
what happens or goes wrong I cannot just dash out of the shower because someone
surely is outside and would see me naked (that would be talked about for 60
years after I leave rather than being talked about for 30 years after I leave)
which is similar to diving in that no matter what goes wrong you cannot shoot
to the surface as you would surely pop a lung or get the bends. But you will
all be happy to hear I still shower daily and it really gets my adrenaline up
for the next time I go scuba diving!
